Conditional Comedy

For the quick dispense:
"The Rocket"

For the backed-up toilet:
"Never Down" and "Jam"

For Junior Worthy:
"Click"

For the constipated:
"Failure to Launch"

For post-spicy food:
"Man on Fire"

For Najeh Davenport:"In Her Shoes"

For best name that's not "Anaconda":
"The Longest Yard"